Who is this woman I am?

This is me, just like that

There are days when I open my eyes in the morning that I already know I am sad without exactly knowing why. I try to remember the dreams I had to understand the reason why I feel sad like that. Well, as I sit on the bed I realize that I’m not only sad, but I feel I was hit by a massive 8.9 depression on the Richter scale with gales of 360 winds per hour.

I am depressed, there is no doubt. I try to get better. I look up and ask Heaven for help. I ask God for forgiveness for all my sins and for all humanity. Each step is a torture. It seems I carry tons of chains so heavy like a condemned to the gallows . My joints, my knees, my eyes and my soul hurt. I looked at the window. All is in peace. Nothing concrete catastrophic happened. It’s just me, the same as yesterday and so many years ago.

There are nights I am awake by the rain that violently lashes my window. Furious thunder bursts, lightning with force to destroy the earth illuminates my room as if were day. The world seems to collapse. However I feel at peace. I sleep a little longer. I awake so happy with an Herculean disposition. I open my arms as if I could embrace the world. Today I am able to make a strange delicious recipe, I am capable to write that 980-page book that will win the Nobel Prize, I am able to dance classic and modern ballets even with the arthrosis that stole the cartilages from my knees. I am able to save the planet, to stabilize the ozone layer. I have brilliant ideas for the financial disaster and other feats that seem impossible.

I feel blessed, gratified, happy for nothing and for everything. It’s just me, the same as yesterday and so many years ago. I look out the window, the frowning sky attests to me that the things are not so well, that there is no reason for so much joy, but I feel very happy. That’s it.

Who is this woman I am? What subject am I made of? Evidently the changes are within me. As always, we are what we are inside the skin and not outside. It’s not the storms or the lulls of the planet that affect me, but the inner, independent, the others of me who come and go as they please.

I already know that when I wake up heavy, everything will be difficult, getting better very slowly. It will probably be that day when I will spend a few long minutes looking at a potato in my left hand and another in my right hand, trying to decide which one to cook. Otherwise, when I wake up lightly like a feather, I look at the sky, I thank the rain, the sun, the heat and the cold. Everything seems right to me.

From what inner parts does emerge this strange creature who I am? The one who sees the world and feels that everything is lost, who contemplates life and finds it sad. And on the other hand, now feels hope springing up like water from the stone! Feels that everything is in order and harmony in this mysterious and beautiful universe what was presented to us with so much love!

This is me, just like that!

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