Howl Howl the Roofers Have Come

Writing from the cozy bunker under siege

We have discontinued shingles.

It also means our house attracts migrant roofers like a rice field attracts egrets. They gather in packs to gaze at our roof, their mouths salivating despite a lusty chaw, endorphins at fever pitch, practicing their sales pitch behind bushes, occasionally bursting out of a grubby scrum to assault our door.

No less than thirty have rung our doorbell, one on a powered skateboard, two or three likely just loosed from the rail they were run out of town on. Some seem flummoxed by the King’s English, others speak rapidly as if auctioning off pigs. All begging to be asked about outstanding bench warrants.

Out of desperation, we chose a local contractor, not from the doorbell mob, and they are tearing off our roof as I write. Our house is encased in plastic and we must call a cell phone to get permission to walk out the door. The noise reminds me of that low-frequency drill dentists use to send you over the edge of raw terror.

My dog Tom Boogus is a curmudgeonly hound who does not approve of house visitors of any stripe. He has been growling and howling non-stop since the roofers arrived. His vocal cords never tire. He is a sturdy canine born to keen and yelp for weeks at varmints brought to the ground. When we are reduced first to quivering shells than to mad ghouls and finally to howling insanity he will gladly bark on.

Replacing those shingles is not cheap. I looked up used car prices to make a dollar comparison and discovered used car prices seem to have tripled overnight. A used 2019 Mercedes costs $75,000! A Used 2019 Honda Pilot costs $40,000! Anyway, shingles seem expensive to me and also I guess we really will be relying on our yak cart more in the future.

In my area, a new roof costs $12,000 to $20,000 so it needs to be done right the first time. We did a lot of research before hiring these guys who are local and have an office five miles away. Hopefully, things will turn out OK.

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