The Absolute Worst Thing About Being a Parent

Guess where you can shove that invitation?

When I first became a parent I knew I was in for a whole new world of decisions and issues that would keep me up at night. Should I sleep train? How to discipline without landing them in therapy later? Breastfeeding sucks, do I really have to do it? What age do they need phones, or do they ever need phones? Screen time limitations, school, drugs, jail, a million things to worry about.

But never did I think birthday parties would become a serious issue. It all started with attending a few harmless parties. A friend here, a classmate there. Then it became an occurrence almost every Saturday.

My kids got conditioned to become obsessed with birthday parties because it’s all we ever did. They talked about them non-stop and how they wanted this and that for their birthday because so-and-so got it. I couldn’t stand their obsession with birthdays and how we as a society have turned them into the worst thing I’ve dealt with as a parent. (I don’t have teenagers yet, so I know the worst is yet to come).

Oh and we also have birthday weeks or even months now. No. Stop this right now. It is not little Sarah’s birthday month, the word day is in it, she gets 1 freakin’ day, not 30.

These invitations often come from classmates or co-workers. So, we rarely know the actual birthday kid or even their parents. That means we have to run to the Five and Below on the way to the party and buy a cheap present for a child we know nothing about. Then spend hours of our Saturday making small talk with adults we have nothing in common with.

I know, it’s a milestone, baby’s first birthday and all, the smash cake, got it. But good lord, they don’t care, and frankly neither do I. The last one of these I attended lasted over 4 hours! Why for the love of anything holy did it last over an hour?

I sat on a couch covered in those stupid throw pillows that reeked of a Febreeze bottle and…

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