34

With each passing year, we are reminded of the shortness of life but also the fullness. Love surrounds us in so many ways if we are open to its power, wonder, play & spirit. It transforms us, makes us new, lifts us, inspires us. Love sustains us if we allow it & love is work because we must choose love instead of fear.

Birthdays are another time for renewal and reflection. For me it’s learning why I was born, my divine life purpose if you will. I choose not to waste this lifetime but instead to live it beautifully, boldly, lovingly, leaving & weaving impact on the hearts & minds of all those my life comes in contact with.

This past year has been profound, as is every year if you are open to the lessons, the challenges, the heartache, the love, laughter & memories.

I made a promise to myself at 33 to take on some things I likely needed to since I was 5 years old. I’ve learned that if you finally leap into heart first what may be holding you back from living your fullest life, give more to your faith & self, nourish in all ways…you can see the greatest change for good. I used 33 as my platform of what I thought was wanting to open up to my “Big Love” or my “big relationship.” However, leave it to faith or the universe or whatever you may call it and my world was turned upside down.

From one election night Birthday that would literally change the trajectory of my life, my purpose, my fight. To committing to doing the deep work of coaching & counseling and learning to look at my relationships with friends, family, work, romantic partners under a lens I never thought possible. Those relationships were tested, I was tested to break the cycle, to break the pattern.

It is unbelievable in moments to comprehend my growth in one year. To radically forgive, one of the most challenging but freeing choices we are all given. If you love something, set it free, right? Love it enough to say ok and move forward, to give loving and kind thoughts and intentions.

There were sobs, tears, some laughs, but when you finally allow the things, people, relationships that don’t serve you to go free, you make room for light, love and faith. I even went and climbed mountains that were higher than I could have imagined climbing (figuratively & actually). All because now I know that if you are love, give love, then you will receive the biggest, brightest love of all.

I was challenged this year with one of the most painful chapters of my personal life. One for me that was even more painful than when I lost my father. Brought me to my knees, my prayers, all the energy I ever could imagine needing. A laundry list of situations, choices and overwhelming emotion that I hope to never experience again. But crisis shows us all our true resilience, strength, perseverance and especially faith. Crisis puts into perspective our lives and choices. Our beliefs about ourselves and others. I thought I knew what I was capable of but I guess I could say that only God did this time. There is always light at the end.

What this chapter of my life taught me most was where I needed to NOT take responsibility for others, actions, reactions or expectations. Loving someone unconditionally does not mean you are responsible for them. Acceptance may not come from others but in being true to myself, my beliefs, my integrity, we are all better for it.

There is mourning in knowing that a few relationships in my life will never be the same, but I’m okay because I established boundaries all out of love. I have faith that in choosing love and compassion in my decisions, thoughts and actions, I stay within my integrity and others can choose what they want, that is the divine right of all of us. Choice. Sometimes love’s greatest lesson is learning to say no. It’s also being vulnerable and speaking your truth even when it might terrify you. Lean into love and let go of fear.

33 has been a year of preparing and healing and purging old ways of being. I literally do not recognize the Kristen of a few months ago and it’s beautiful! I’m awake to my life and it’s a new season. To my very soul and core and bones, I’m moving forward into this next adventure.

At the crossroads of my old way of being coming up against this slow, playful, living and loving way of being, in the chaos of it all, a yellow cottage by the lake appeared, literally and I leapt heart first. As summer came to a close, I found my forever home in Long Beach, by the lake, with the love and the slow down and the family and friends and life in perspective. It’s the beginning of my next chapter, my sunshine on a cloudy day, my place to play and love and laugh and create and adventure and live in my essence.

As I close on my new home a little over a week shy of my 34th year, the reflection is deep. My choices are bright and beautiful and this is my catalyst for my future job, relationships, family, memories. There is no more “I’m busy,” there is no more missing time with my dearest friends and family.

Life can be so much simpler than we make it. I’ve spent a long time perfecting for others or what I believe was expected of me. I will still do great things, with huge impact, changing lives, warming hearts, but this chapter puts me first, slowing down and living differently. I’m full of gratitude for the moments and opening my heart to greater love than I could ever imagine.

I will continue to ask myself what is possible through the lens of compassion & love? Where can my meaningful work positively impact the lives of others using wonder, power, love, play and spirit? Every day is another beautiful opportunity to express my gifts with enthusiasm and love. This season however, is about restoring, reconnecting to life’s meaning at the core and connecting with others face to face. Seeking to remove the barriers to love that are in my mind and heart and miracles will replace them.

So Cheers 34! Here’s to living in wonder, speaking my truth, loving powerfully, setting my spirit on fire, leaving impact, new adventures, big beautiful love, restoring, creating & connecting to what is important at the core… deep, meaningful relationships with loved ones.

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